What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
