Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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