and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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