Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
