Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
