We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
