I must be too annoying 4 u.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
