that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
