We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
