Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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