I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
