It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
