i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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