Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
