Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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