if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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