Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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