I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
