In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
