Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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