WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
