shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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