the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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