How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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