he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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