her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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