he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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