Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
