I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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