So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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