Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
