I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
