You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My feet surprised me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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