Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
