I want to stick my p in your. b.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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