At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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