playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
