i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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