WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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