You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i out mim tonsoeep
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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