He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
