is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
