i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
