ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
