the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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