That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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