Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You're like the curious george of whores
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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