he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
