she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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