I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
