why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize