Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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