Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
