the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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