Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
