did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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