Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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