fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
