you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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