Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
