I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
