Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
