she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
