As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
