Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
