Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
