Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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