Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
